Your carma just ran over my dogma!

"Open the bonnet..."

"Err, huh?"

"The bonnet! Open the bonnet"

Wait a minute, I thought I told you to do the 'vahanapooja' for my new car, not the Engine inspection. And I thought you were a priest, and not a mechanic. And what with all the costume and the pot-belly and stuff? Mechanics dont have pot bellies, for God's sake. They need to get pretty deep under vehicicles, and pot-bellies don't help. In fact pot bellies wont help if you want to get deep anywhere, for that matter, if you know what I mean. Thats why they say get settled and get over with everything before you start getting those dreaded roundies, or else, be smart enough and make enough money to hire secretaries. I'm digressing!

I opened the bonnet. He took a coconut and cracked it open on the floor, lighted agarbatthis and smeared 'kalabham' over pretty much everywhere. The 'Rocam' engine, air-filter, fuel injectors, batteries, radiator... god, he knows where it matters. Probably he took automotive as his elective in the final semester or something.... duh! I dont know how these poojari's are trained! He did a lot of stuff which I didn't understand, including asking me to place four lemons in front of all four tyres and run the car over it. The lemons, all got crushed and their juices squeezed out to the pavement. To me, that looked as if it symbolized something, and I shuddered! And thus, having got all the necessary blessings, (this he wont give until I had given the dakshina...) I hit the road, in my brand new car, all excited and thrilled and all that.

The excitement lasted about as long until I hit the highway. National Highway -17! Do you know what that means? If you don't, I'll tell ya! 6 lanes of speed regulated (I mean lower limits, stupid) sooper smooth tarmac,with all the bright road markings and signs and vehicles zipping past at such breakneck speeds, It'll put the autobahn to shame! Oh, by the way before I forget, only one among the six lanes is currently operational, the 2nd being the road - shoulder, also called road-under construction which has been squatted upon by roadside vendors and other commercial establishments... Signs of India growing. 3rd was being marked by a stone, which lies in Mr Appukkuttan Nair's courtyard, 4th and 5th being in his toilet and borewell respectively. And the 6th? Well, even 85% adherence to international standards is too much in Indian context, whatdooyuthink? Road signs? Yeah, everywhere, "Thankappans jewellery", "Ormma marble palace", "Ittichan and sons", "If you like the Congress party, vote for CPI(M)"..being a few. I call these road signs because, well, what else do you call what's placed on the road?? And, yeah enough kidding, I wasn't joking about the breakneck speed, mind you! The buses never run on anything lower than a decent 80 Kmph. If you're on the way, and can't find enough space to move, well, close your eyes and start counting, dude! And hope you paid for the insurance! The vehicle's, and yours too!

I can go on, about the railway gate that remained closed for nearly 20 minutes, leaving queues kilometers long, the traffic police who asked me to take free left and take the U-turn another 2 Kms down the road, because the traffic lights were broken, and I just wanted to cross, to the other side goddammit! And, by the time I reached office, all the spaces in the parking lot had been occupied, which left me with only one option, park in the open, which meant, I was fried when I got into the car in the noon.

You know what, I loved my bike, I still do!

P.S: - The title was a bumper sticker I liked, btw, I didnt run over anybody's dogma!